I Jam Pro Bono

Pro Bono is a Latin term that means for the public good, or some such dreck. It is not in reference to the support of one Paul David Hewson, AKA Bono, lead singer of the legendary rock band U2. I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm OK with Bono- mostly because he's friends with The Edge, which is a place where I think we'd all like to be- friends with someone whose name is The Edge. As a matter of fact, anybody who's ever wanted to be anybody has yearned for at least one friend who is named after an inanimate object, or at the very least, has a nick name that actually sticks. Take Mike Seaver for example. On Growing Pains, he had a friend known as Boner. You too, may have a friend named Boner, but it has to be a person to count. Sha-Na-Na fans rejoice in the fond relationship they once had with a man named Bowser. By the way, if you ever do pose-dives to impress people when you jump into a pool or lake, the Bowser is still acceptable as long as you shout "oh, yeah..." in your deepest barritone before flexing your muscle and splashing down. It's stil considered a classic, right next to the Gene Simmons (spit cherry Kool-Aid before you hit the water), Evel Kenivel (air handle bars), King Tut (Steve Martin style), or Wok With Yan(make a delicious stir-fry mid-air). By the by, did Yan ever make anything aside from stir fry and hilarious aprons with clever wok-oriented jokes on them? Wok The Dog. Will Wok For Food. Wok Me Up Before You Go-Go. Everybody's Wok-ing For The Weekend. I know he went on to do some adventurous pan-Asian/fusion quisine on Yan Can Cook- like stir fry with pineapple. Laverne and Shirley had Squiggy. Dwayne and Rog had Rerun. But all of these examples are fake because these are characters on situational television comedies. Bono and The Edge are real people. My friend Kevin's nick name is The Hawk, but he gave himself that nickname, so it doesn't really count. See, here's where the gray area is- If you give yourself a nickname, you're kind of a rake. But if you give yourself a pseudonym or a nom de plume, you are at once, hot shit. Don't even get me started on AKA's in the rap game- you know all those fucking assholes gave themselves those names. Calvin Brodus is Snoop Dogg? 50 Cent is Martin Kelvin? Ice Cube is Oshea Jackson? At least Ghostface Killah's real birthname name is Ghostface Killah. I applaud rappers and entertainers coming up with dumb,fake names. Lately there has been a rash of regular-guy names dropping albums. Mike Jones? Chris Brown? David Banner? What the fuck? Who's next? Indiana Pacers forward-guard Ron Artest? Wait, what? Luckily, pop-culture references are catching up to a generation, and we now have kids being named after pop-stars (Britney,Lindsay,Paris,CarrotTop), Athletes (LeBron, Shaq-fu, Tiger), Actors (Charlize, Halle, Scarlett), Liquors (Midori, Alize, and Tequila are actual names of kids at my school). What ever happened to the classics (Beowulf, Elspeth, Benedict, Millicent, Winston, or Lucky)? Whilst we're on the topic, if you're going to name someone something, try to not do what these celebrity assholes have done:
Baby Name: Kal-el (Nicholas Cage), Apple (Gwyneth Paltrow), Banjo (Rachel Griffiths), Moses/ Lark Song/Phineas/Summer Song/Soon-Yi (Mia Farrow), Pilot Inspektor (Jason Lee).
What was my point? Oh, I Jam Pro Bono. It means I Jam for free. So let's fucking jam on it!
Here's some songs I've been listening to that you might want to get your mitts on.
Blanche- What This Town Needs
OK, so Alt-country has always been under suspicion. If you could take a moment to weed out the total shit bands that function under this header, you might end up with a shortlist of about 20 worthwhile endeavors- unfortunately, that moment that you took actually lasted 14 hours, and you will never get it back. Plus, I'm pretty sure that Kenny Chesney is considered Alt-country. It remains to be seen if his alternative status has had any impact on Jimmy Buffet being considered a Folksinger. Now, I might be a homer because Blanche live in my neighborhood,and my grandma's name was Blanche, but remember- I pay property taxes to live here.

Nancy Sinatra- Tonight You Belong To Me
I was listening to The Jerk when my girlfriend was watching it in the other room. I wish I could find the Steve Martin/Burnadette Peters ukelele version, but I love Nancy Sinatra. It's an amazing song that will get stuck in your head forever, and then you'll get pissed off at me for poinjting it out and that they don't write songs like that anymore. But after you wash the blood off your hands, dye your hair with shoe polish, and make a break for Mexico, you'll just start humming that fucker again, so don't do it.

The Flaming Lips- My entire The Flaming Lips collection.
Jackie Netflixed The Fearless Freaks movie and if you don't totally wanna jam your Lips records after seeing that fucker, there's something wrong with you. See it. Jam on it, freaks.