Steady Knobbin'

First, let me apologize to the 14 unique visitors I've had hit the blog in the last months and some change- you make me wanna put on some R. Kelly. Sure, most "successful" blogs get 22 hits every 1/2 hour, but I'm all " fuck it!"- I'll take my rag-tag team of 14 ne'er-do-well losers over your over-priced all-star nightcrawlers- you're in it for the money, not the science. Any day of the week, anywhere we play, sold out. I'd also like to apologize for the delay between posts. Not that anybody gives a flying crank except my girlfriend and Moose- by the way, if you read this and know who Moose is, you understand just how selective my audience is. Or, if you read this and you are Moose or my girlfriend, hey, how's it going? You guys are awesome. But damn it if they aren't exactly the elusive post-Myspace/Pre-Adult Friend Finder/currently You-Tube demographic that marketing firms moisten their briefs over in boardrooms over bistro-catered luncheons where faux-hawked, white-belted hipster/market strategists eat Boca-burger iPods, Tribeca-infused pan-Asian Curry Wraps and wash them down with some Jones sodas. I know, it's Izze. It's just hard to keep up with all the soda pops. And while I have your attention, could whomever is in charge please stop using that fucking Gorillaz song in ad campaigns? It's been over a year since iPod used it- yet every time I walk into Target, I hear that fucking song- which wasn't bad until the last 124 times I heard it. Now, you might think this says something more about how much time I spend at Target, but as I've said before, Target is bananas, yo. *** I'm interjecting here because since I first edited this piece of shit, the Gorillaz have been over-oversaturated by Gnarls Barkley. And thank god, the alternative kids needed some safe black music to latch onto until the next Outkast record drops. So what the fuck's been going ahn?
Ok, yeah, I fucking know. Syd Barrett died. Not that I'm insensitive, but the story should have been like this:

From: Reuters July 12, 2006 09:00 EST

OH, HEY, SYD BARRETT DIED.
Fans of the British 1960's psychedelic band, Pink Floyd, were shocked to find out that founding member, Syd Barrett, was alive enough since 1974 to die yesterday. Members of the music community were mildly stunned and underwhelmingly blase about the news. "I thought he died in 1976...1983...or 1992...or...1998...." said one guy. "I think that Mr. Barrett will always be remembered as the singularly greatest host of The Gong Show.....oh...I see. I thought Syd Barrett was already dead. He was alive when the Detroit Tigers won the World Series? Fuck me." Strangely, Syd Barrett's legacy preceded his somewhat untimely death (sources suppose), as most legacies start after one dies. "It's a common phenomenon, it's sort of like finding out that Jefferson Starship is playing the State Fair. Everyone's like, holy shit! These motherfuckers are still around? So, I suppose it would be fair to say that Syd Barrett is ultimately Starship at our State Fair" says music expert Ron Bookcoque.....

Seriously, I had no idea he was even alive. Sort of like Rip Taylor. He should have died in 1979. Motherfucker's still kickin it, live and direct. No Doubt.

I was looking at the concert listings for the DTE Energy Music Center, formerly known as Pine Knob, in the paper and thought to myself, this Summer's concert line-up fucking blows. Then I said to myself, "shit, I've known that for 10 years!" Seriously, what ever happened to the line-up of shows that used to get you all pumped-up about the summer? For example, I distinctly remember seeing Cheap Trick playing the Knob in like 1996. It was like $10 for a lawn seat. Then, after poor ticket sales, they lowered the price to $5 with a can of food. I mean who wouldn't want to go see Robin Zander wear a vest without a shirt and sing "The Flame" for $5 and a non-perishable food item? Previous years have at least had a couple shows of interest. Of course we can always count on the blue-chips: Eddie Money will be Sh-Sh-Sh-Shakin', some incarnation of the Beach Boys featuring the two dickheads will show up to crap their pants on stage for some reason, Steve Miller will fly like an eagle (to the sea) , and Foreigner featuring Lou Gramm will no doubt leave you hotblooded, check it and see. But mostly, it just bums me out that there isn't one show this year worthy of the effort or the price. I just hope that Alice Cooper plays the State Fair again this year.

Project Runway's been going on. Ok, I said i'd stop watching it after Malan got kicked off, but i'm still into it. Why the fuck would you want to kick that guy off? He was the most interesting and stupid character out of the whole lot. I'm so serious, I'm seriouly doubting it. Now we get to deal with a bunch of dickslaps who have no presence, no personality. Personality is what made Santino so sweet last year. Now Bradley got jacked and he was the only guy that used Tresemme hair gel. And fuck tattoo-y neck guy. What an autofellator. Hopefully him and his neck will get the boot pronto. Otherwise, I'm going back to America's Got Talent.

I'll keep you posted a little better next time. I gotta go catch up with Dr. Troy. Oh, you say you haven't gotten into Nip/Tuck? Have I got a show for you!