Okay, if you didn't already know, I co-hosted a radio show called Radio Fever- it was on Saturdays from 8 to 11pm on FM WKRK in the Detroit. It was a tremendously vapid and ghastly show that started off with Chris Handyside and me playing local music and inviting our friends to come into the studio and dick around. We had fun at least twice and got to meet all the alive dudes from Detroit's 2nd gnarliest psychedelic/funk consort, Black Murda. You should pick up they album. We also had a bunch of our loser friends from Blanche, The Demolition Dollrods, The Paybacks, Whirlwind Heat, Esquire(The Boy Who Invented Rap), and Detroit City Council stop by. For a fortnight, it was the grip.
After the first year, Chris decided to leave the show so he could go dick around with his family or whatever instead. I asked Dave Buick to grab Chris' baton, or carry his torch, or his wiener for those people who have a hard time with euphemism. Dave stepped in and proved to be capable of dicking around even more than that dipshit Handyside. We dicked around for like another year and a half carefully honing the program into more of a "talk out your ass/play whatever the fuck you felt like playing situation because everybody knows local music shows fucking blow after 6 weeks. Check your local listings for a station with the ass/play format near you! By the way, ever notice how Diddy is always in situations? He needs to quit that situation. His impresario-Kanye-diva situation is going all Fonzworth Bentley on your ass, as such.
Puffy need Nads or whatever the fuck to control his situation. Anyway, we got shitcanned via conference call last week by our dickslap boss, Craig. Craig was a corporate radio tool who thought he was hip cuz he could slang it up with you in any conversational situation by using the term "vibin'," as in "You guys could play the new Benson Brendan or whatever you're vibin' on." Ack. Ack. Ack. Anyway, he was a dickpunch for firing us via conference call. He should have sent an email card instead, just like you do when you forget someone's birthday. That would have had a much more personal touch to it. Joke's on him though, the station ranked #20 in the latest Arbitron ratings- his station was getting beat by smooth jazz, that fucked up station that plays Lisa Lisa And Cult Jam followed by Rush or whatever the fuck, and I even think that station that picks up the CBS affiliate television audio. Which is kinda sweet cuz you can totally fucking jam the dialogue from CSI: Miami when you're bumpin' in your whip and need a Caruso drop. Seriously, though, Caruso will make your day if you're stuck at Coolidge and 9 in the O.P. After two and a half years Craig finally remembered that he was actually paying us for dicking around on-air for our listener(s). Here's just a quick summation/highlight reel of the last two plus years of Radio Fever.Cue: Foo Fighter's My Hero or Best Of You and read in slow motion.
Gary The Architecture-Smoking Hobo
Inuit stand-up comedian,Chief Eddie Hokum Pelt
Hot Cans!
Ok, so I thought that 2 1/2 years would have yielded some better reel(industry term), but not really, cuz like all we ever did was dick around and talk about TV and 70's littering and slow-walking between non-local music and smoke/beverage breaks. Early on, I said to Chris, "Chris, I says, we are going to run out of local music to play after about six shows, fucker." I was wrong. It took over 8 shows to run out of music to play. Then Chris dicked me over and Dave came in like gangbusters and "tapped the sack,"
if you will, in terms of interest in the show for about 2 months. Then it just kinda became a paycheck- but kinda a shitty one, cuz the radio gig was my second job and kinda pushed me into a different tax bracket and I owed money to the IRS for two years running--which is BULLSHIT!. But that radio show was biscuits and gravy and was totally my fucking car payment and motherfuckers act like its ok to conference call your ass into the ghost of radio's past prison to rot because you didn't call enough people gay or use enough Family Guy or South Park drops for your demographic. Motherfuckers need to NOTICE IT! I mean who else would take time to record clips from Decline of the Westen Civilization for comedy drops? Neil Hamburger? FM is going to sorely miss zipper schtick on every level. On a lighter note, I get my Saturday evenings back, so I can frequent the museums, dust my rare books, and challenge myself to a game of Master Mind.
