Jamming On The One

oi. it's been a while since i talked music cuz other pressings have taken presidence. I've been so into jams lately, it was like i thought tivo didn't exist for like 2 full hours or some crazy shit. Fathom it! I mean i didn't think that tivo didn't exist, i just didn't think about tivo within the goings-on of me listening to 30 second excerpts of songs on the computer and systematically deciding if they were worth a buck or if i should get involved with some file-sharing pyramid scheme on some off-shore russian website that needs some fucked-up plug-in to view Cyrillic fonts or whatever the fuck. I really need to cut down on postmodernism. This week has been full of exciting new releases to point your (and i mean mine) musical boner at. Mine Musical boner? Mine Musical Boner was, i believe, the name of the von Trapp Family's Austrian tour in 1965 ( it was reported that Rodgers & Hammerstein just about dunked an o-ring when they were told that Friedrich von Trapp would be replaced by Danny Bonaduce and that Captain von Trapp would be replaced by Ruben Kinkade). That reminds me of this pervo joke that the neo-Austrian pervy music teacher at my school told me about growing an extra inch on your dick...I think Shirley Jones had something to do with it. I don't really want to retell it because this is a family blog, and God and my friends and family and discriminating Cracked Magazine readers all could tell you that i am no Blanche Knott. But aparently, there is some bullshit von Trapp Family singing group that is currently touring. Master artist Thomas Kinkade (related) did the tour shirts and album artwork. Onto the hits!


The Good, The Bad, And The Queen- Herculean
Whenever classic literature or history guys or NPR refer to Hercules, I always think of Eddie Murphy, nay, Golden Globe Winner Eddie Murphy, dressed up like a fat lady clapping his hands saying "Hercules, Hercules, Hercules!" at the dinner table. And i just want to thank him for that. Because before that, I had Bill Murray in my head. Don't get me wrong, I love Bill Murray's out-of-shape Hercules, it's just that our image of Hercules is ever-evolving--Kevin Sorbo, Lou Farigno, and that super-creepy Austrian kid bodybuilder in Little Hercules with Hulk Hogan are all great examples of whatever the fuck i'm talking about. This band is one of those vanity bands that is comprised of a bunch of dudes from a bunch of bands and they get together and do crap and record it and make a bunch of money and don't know what to do with it. Some people call them supergroups, however, superlatives rarely belong with such groups. I may have stole that line from a Gene Shallot movie review. Let's see....Damon Albarn from Bluh and Gorillaz, Simon tong from the Verve, Paul Simonon from the Clash, Afrobeat star Tony Allen on drums, and produced by Dangermouse. Sounds good right? Well, come on, play along with me. Sounds like endless possibilities! Ok, it ends up sounding like a Damon Albarn solo record. Why the fuck get Tony Allen to drum? Who the fuck is tony Allen anyway? Half of the album's songs have drum machine on them. Simon Tong's guitar sounds like that one guy from that one band's brother's band who's opening for a Sting tribute band tonight. Paul motherfuckin' Simonon! Urgh! I like this album enough, but it really seems like a poor use of some pedigreed resources. Did i mention that this track was a give away on itunes?
The Shins- Wincing The Night Away
The Shins f-ing rule the school! However, not worth the 3 year wait between records. This one's a grower, not a shower. I opted for buying the hott traxx off the internets but Target had it for 10 bucks. And I pretty much let Target dictate my taste and lifestyle. There's only 11 songs, and one of those is like 1 minutes long. The Shins don't do a lot of publicity- and if you see them, you might start to wonder if it's cool to be into the Shins, or like, creepy. And when you do see them, do yourself a favor and avoid getting into a conversation about records. Or, as some girlfriends of ex-record store employees know, just smile, nod, and tell them that the Velvet Underground are your favorite band ever. Convo ova! Bail!
The Grass Roots- Feelings
Awwwwwwwwwww, Hey! it's me. feel. I love finding hidden gems. I was just checking out some Grass Roots and started kickin' this jammer all the way! The melody is tight, but the Stones-like xylophone sounds like the first few notes of Under My Thumb and totally makes this jammy a resident of the hott zone. If you haven't done it yet, pick out one of your fave jams from an oldies radio station and research/30-sec. preev the albums. Major fucking scores abound. It's sort of like looking for Bobby Fischer, it's there....it's seven moves ahead, but it's there.
Gene Pitney- Something's Gotten Hold Of My Heart
I was listening to my copy of Kicking Against The Pricks by Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds trying to figure out who did what song originally. I knew the obvious traditional ones that any number of artists have covered previously, I knew the Glenn Campbell, Leonard Cohen, Elvis, VU, Roy Orbison, etc. but Something's gotten Hold of My Heart was one I'd never heard of. It was a total fuck me! So I searched it out and found out it was Gene Pitney's version that had a hit. Who the fuck is Gene Pitney? I know who Gene Pitney is, but I mean who is Gene Pitney? Gene Pitney: Asshole? or Gene Pitney: Genius? As it turns out, Gene Pitney: Guy who has one stupid song I like. Thanks a lot, Gene Pitney.
Thanks for supporting my need to waste even more of my life on a computer.