First it was the giant squid, then Daylight Savings time, now we got some internet researchers revising the tragical history of Harry Houdini the world's most awesomest magician...ever. The rivisionista, bear with me, have come up with some yarn about Houdini not dying because his appendix blew up after getting socked by Benedict Skimpole, a poorboy by trade, who's infamy would deny him entre to the colorful business of professional pugilism (they got to fight kangaroos, orangutans, and shanghai'ed Malaysian sailors back then) and any future consideration for lucrative "tobacco card" appearances. To that, we say herumph! But by Job, we have to deal with it, old man! In the truthful story's stead, it is being suggested that Houdini may have died from an injection of some mystery serum given to him shortly before his death at Detroit's Grace Hospital. After Houdini died on Halloween, 1926, doctors listed "periodontia of the appendixial innard" as the cause of death--without benefit of a proper autopsy, which undoubtedly upset some black metal fans. Although, the Swedish black metal outfit, Holmstrom, did eventually get to release a track called Houdini's Autopsy on their 1996 release, Enter the Ice Crypt.
Insiders claim sales of that particular record were weak due to the name of the band being too hard to read and "all pointy," while others suggest it was due to fans feeling betrayed when bandmembers killed and ate their drummer's brain between encores in Oslo. While the artistic license of Swedish black metal bands provided a fantastical realm to entertain the idea of an autopsy on Houdini, in real life the H-dog never got one and was wisked away to buried in world-famous New York. So, the question that all this poses is, "who is responsible for the quackery that lead to the untimely death of awesome Harry Houdini?" All fingers and Ouija, the mystifying oracle(TM), planchettes point to the SPIRITUALISTS!!!
I know, it's totally like WTF! Who are the Spiritualists? Well, according to reliable internet sources, the Spiritualists were a group of fucking losers who couldn't figure out how to play Dungeons And Dragons, so they just collected the lead figures and Monster Manuals, while one of their members' dad was a welder and built a huge welded metal box to store all of his son's character sheets and multi-sided dice. Wait, that was my society. Poor old Victor, what nerd-penance you must have suffered, carrying that 24-pound pointy metal box on the crossbar of your P.K. Ripper en route to not playing that game anywhere near correctly. Sorry. Anyway, the Spiritualists were so lame they couldn't even become magicians...sort of like an Elk's Lodge filled with a bunch of David Blaines, except they didn't slow-talk. They claimed that mediums could contact the dead or whatever, while charging people a bunch of cash for it. Houdini played his BULLSHIT! card on the Spiritualists by debunking them and making them look downright foolish, according to reports. Houdini might also have been killed by one Margery Crandon, a well-known medium (sometimes large, depending on the brand) and owner of the secret recipe for the "Most Delicious Blue Huckleberry Tea Biscuits Known to Society." Houdini had been investigating the disappearance of some young boys named Matthew and Gunnar, she had adopted. All of it adds up to something you might see on CSI: Miami, CSI, Bones, Cold Case Files, The Ghost Whisperer, Raines, Medium, Haunting Evidence, Ghost Hunters, Most Haunted, Psych, or JAG. I think we all need to whip out our BULLSHIT! cards. Don't get me started!
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