Spring Break is a rite of passage for many young people, and in my case, creepy 30-something year old dudes just tryin' to catch a buzz and some rays, bro. Wanna oil my back? Spring break started in 1914 when some students from Barndump Finishing School For Morons & the Touched left early for Easter Weekend due to an outbreak of Tuberculosis, Grocer's Itch, Bad blood, Bronze John, Dropsy, Fits, Milk Leg, Rising Of The Lights, or some other kick-fucking-ass old-timey-name disease. On the way home, there was a moronic revolt when the driver of the bus wouldn't pull over at a gas station so that Robert "Boo" Cadbury could get his pet accountant some racoon jerky. Boo hijacked the bus, bushwacked the driver, ransacked the storage compartment, and booglarized the toilet before driving the bus due south to Fort Lauderdale, Florida. Upon arrival, the students checked into a hotel, bought several dozen bottles of orange blossom perfume, ordered an inordinant of room service, put a barrel of beer in the wash tub, purchased several seashell necklaces, had permiscuous sex (with the room service food), got sunburned, heat-stroked, vomited, and wrote funny sayings on their passed-out friends with shaving lather, like 'hurrah hurrah for Yale!' (on a Harvard man).
Spring break was born. A lot of shit isn't known about Spring Break until the 1950's- mostly just sordid anecdotes about something called 'petting' and Spring Breakers having a 'gay old time.' The 50's ushered in the modern era of Spring Break as we know it- a time around the Easter holiday when awesome virgins go to alligator-infested Florida to throw-up and bang as many strangers as possible before getting crabs, blowing chunks, and ultimately coming to the realization that your tits really do look awesomer in a wet t-shirt. 
Of course, in the 1950's things were somewhat tamer- for instance, Sammy Hagar wasn't around. Also, teeny-boppers were at the sock-hops in their poodle skirts, making-out with greasers that had the 'Duck's Ass' hairstyle--leaving Spring Break to college-aged chicks and Soc.-es. Fuck. How did S.E. Hinton write the word 'soc.'? Socs? Socials. Who knows? However, I do know that Ponyboy's got a brother named Sodapop. Says so on his birth certificate. In the next installation: Spring Break in the 1960's through the 1980's, including, but not limited to: Panama Jack, Sex Wax, and partyballs. p.s.- don't ever google 'ponyboy' at work. Ever.
0 comments:
Post a Comment