FIRE IN THE SKY

Over 1,680 heshers showed up on a field to simultaneously rock Deep Purple's Smoke On The Water to set a new World record. While the intent to set the World's Record for most guitars playing the same song was admirable, the unitentional World's Records set during the performance may be an even bigger story.

5 other World Records set during Smoke On The Water sesh:

1. Single Largest Blatent Disregard For The Rest of Deep Purple's Catalog, including much better and way fucking heavy songs like Spacetruckin', Maybe I'm A Leo, Living Wreck, Speed King, and Highway Star.
2. Longest (Non-Metallica Related) Tuning Session.
3. Largest Gathering of Guitar Center Employees Outside of New Jersey.
4. Largest Congregation of Heshers "Totally Fucked-Up" At A Non-Pink Floyd Laser Light Show Event.
5. Single Largest Concentration of Guys Who Look Like Mike Shank.
6. Longest Song Start Delay Due To Awesome Fucking Battle Solos.** Still Under Review
The other part of the story that they forgot to tell you is that they plugged all the guitars into a single Peavey practice amp. And to answer your question, yes. They did strategically place the amplifier against wood paneling to authenically duplicate the exact way it sounds in the participant's parents' basements.














PARIS HILTON IS SICK. NO SHIT.
So, like Paris Hilton has some "medical condition" that is allowing her to be on house arrest instead of getting butched-in and bull-dagged in the pokey. Wow, that took all of about 3 days before her lawyers figured out a way to keep that fat bitch from getting her salad tossed. Since when can you get out of jail free just because you have the VD? Pardon me, I meant "an undisclosed medical condition?" This sucks. I'm totally bummed out by the legal system. Motherfuckers be actin' like ain't such a thing as Stare Decisis! Makes me wanna bust it all Jerry Spence-style, grow my silver locks long, get a fringe leather jacket, kick some Southwest flava and just get all Damnum Absque Injuria and have ourselves a little Dies Irae!