Kathy Griffin Is In My Life Again........Yeah!

For some reson Kathy Griffin is in my life again. I didn't ask for it, it just kinda happened. Sort of like jock itch. Kathy Griffin, for those of you who don't know, is a nuisance comedian. Much like the female Cottonwood (Populus freemontii) that sheds her milky-white seed and gets all up in your shit and air conditioner intake, coating your lawn with a blanket of white, pure as the driven snow. Not to mention the "free kindling" aspect of said tree pooping her twigs all over one's freshly-mown creeping bentgrass, invasive roots, as well as its softwood characteristics that all but e-vite(assuming internet conductivity) the Asian Longhorned Beetle to come bore a new crib for the Summy. And, just as any nuisance tree should be dealt with, someone's got to call the DNR (assuming that said complaintant is free of guilt from all of those years of fishing without a license). While your local authority may only refer you to a nearby arborist, tree whisperer, or chainsaw sculptor, taking the first step to ridding your life of problem trees and comediens is the hardest.
So, what is it exactly about Kathy Griffin that makes her a nuisance? It's not the fact that she actually won Celebrity Mole Hawaii, although I would have liked to see Stephen Baldwin or Corbin Bernsen walk away supreme champion (yeah, I know, but the "peoples' champion" doesn't get the quarter mill in cash and prizes). It's not the fact that she is always referred to as a comedienne. It's not even that she's not funny- there are plenty of unfunny comedians. It's not that she's a lesbian, in fact, lesbians are hilarious. Mostly it's because of her abhorent personality and abrasive voice. Can you imagine what that shit sounds like in the morning? Not that I've had "adult" fantasies about it, but what if you had to sleep with her with your dick? It would be like Charlton Heston waking you up and asking you to nibble on his titties. Wait, what? I just barfed myself out. Anyway, she's got this ghastly voice that would remind ancient Chileans of the Cherufe (a creature that lives in liquid magma known for its mineral-rich flatulents and appetite for virgin flesh-- not unlike German rock troupe, The Scorpions), it should also be noted that Cherufe should not be confused with the Spanish term, Churros(a deep-fried dough pastry often served with chocolate or cinnamon)--it should also be noted that Churros are not elephant ears(a fried-dough pastry cousin of the Churro that belongs in the USDA's carnival food food group section of the food pyramid). Kathy Griffin's got some sort of
trenchmouthed (what up 90's Chicago indie rock band with Fred Armisen on drums used as an adjective?!) deviated septum attached to a foghorn (or possibly Foghat)for a voice. Not only is Kathy Griffin's voice annoying, but the fact that I can never remember if her last name is Griffin or Griffith is equally vexing. That's like one of the most annoying last names ever invented. Griffin. Andy Griffin. Griffith. Griffith Dunne. D.W. Griffith. Professor Griff. Melanie Griffith. Quick, if you were being attacked by a mythological creature that's a cross between a lion and an eagle and a black militant/rapper in charge of the Security of the First World what would you call it? That's right, Professor Griffin. So, as you can see, there are all sorts of reasons to hate Kathy Griffin. So somebody decided to give her a show about her pathetic career(The D-List) and lo and behold, she has a fucking career again. How VH1 of you. Just stop it. I know it's a Bravo show, but everyone's owned by the same crappy company. I miss you Eric Estrada. Also, she looks turdy with those cheap-ass Rembrandt veneers and nosejob. I could keep going. Dare me?