mtv movie awards recap modotti

Some bands have the tendency to overthink they song titles and commence to making them sound all cool or whatever the fuck. As I have previously discussed, the Fall and Pavement win the spirit award for creative song titling. Fugazi gets the participant ribbon but doesn't quite place in this competition. I love me some Fugz, but Fugazi have the problem of naming their songs with dictionaried words and words that sound referenced, but ultimately end up contributing to the unlikeable pomposity of their entire essence. Let me illustrate:
Here's a top 10 list of Fugazi song titles that sound like they tried too hard:
1. Smallpox Champion
2. Ex-Spectator
3. Recap Modotti
4. Caustic Acrostic
5. Forensic Scene
6. Walken's Syndrome
7. Cassavetes
8. Facet Squared
9. Long Distance Runner
10. Sieve-fisted Find
Ok, so that's the protracted endeavor of Fugazi's pretense. It should be noted that this is over an almost 20-year span-- some bands like At The Drive-In have managed to have 10 pretentious sounding titles in one album (Arcarsenal, Mannequin Republic, One Armed Scissors, Enfilade, Non-Zero Possibilty, etc. all from Relationship Of Command). While some sweet-assed rock critic from Spin might use the terms intelligent or cereberal to describe these bands and their titles, I'll give you a few fake titles in about a tithe of a second that'll make me sound all cerebral...
Top 5 Fake At The Drive-In or Fugazi song titles
1. Reduction Militia
2. Intimidation Precept
3. Signal To Aviator*
4. Incandescent/Fluorescent
5. Fitzcarraldo Ornament
*Suitable for an emo band name. Or, actually, any of these will work if you just add a dangling modifier to them.
I'm emo'd out. Let's talk turkey....MTV turkey!
Last night was the MTV Movie Awards as seen on cable or satellite television station MTV. MTV was a television station that played promotional music videos starting in 1982. They later went on to do specialty programming that all but eliminated actual music videos from their repertoire. Now a days, you're more likely to see college kids playing with feces and throwing up on each other than actual videos. But the hipster geniuses at MTV have perpetuated a movie awards show that is pretty much the highlight of their programming year. Last night was no exception. Highlight reel:
1. Sarah Silverman hosts. I just about crapped my pants and fed it to my housemate(MTV Real World style)when Sarah Silverman made the Paris Hilton joke about painting the prison bars like penises so she would feel more comfortable- after a priceless reaction shot of Paris, Silverman continued to say something to the effect of why should I feel dirty after saying that? Which was great because you almost felt bad for Paris Hilton, but then realized that she's a sucky rich bitch celebrity who does nothing but humiliate people on her tv show and get dry-jammed by every VD-infected tool she comes across, so PARIS CAN SUCK IT. Also, Sarah Silverman's a hottie...she's like Jonathan Silverman but with awesome tits. C'mon, we've all had that Caddyshack II fantasy, right broughams?
2. Jack Nicholson's rambling speech that made no fucking sense. Plus, what's the deal with his voice? Does he have emphyzema or something? It sounded like he drank a gallon of vitaman D milk and gargled some large-curd cottage cheese before he spake. He also might have been out to sea without Shirley McLaine or Merryl Streep there to get his inside jokes.
3.Amy Winehouse. Super.
4.Bruce Willis slurring his way through a casual shirt that my girlfriend's dad would wear.
5.Robin Williams did this fantastic bit of comedy where he said some words with a convivial Mexican/of Latin origin accent. I mean he just killed! Like I thought Dane Cook was the shit-hot comedian of the night, but then out of nowhere, Robin Williams had me floored- practically barfing over his masterful comedy schtick. Imagine Robin just freestyling with a Mexican accent...in a kilt. Hilarious!
6. Spoof! I did it again! A bunch of losers spent a bunch of money making spoofs of nominated(?) movies. Apparently, all you have to do is somehow work a Quentin Tarrentino film into your lame video productions class project(mine was a bad-dubbed kung-fu movie), kick the special effects generator and write a bunch of embarrasingly bad jokes. I really was embarrassed for humanity when I was watching Little Miss Squirtgun(??) Fuck you for fucking up the bell curve, you're all losers.
7. Tivo crammed the entire show all into a concise 1:30:00. Back to Man Vs. Wild!!!
I'M OUT.