Christmas List 2007

Should I start by saying something like "'tis the season..." See, the problem with that is that i want you to say dot-dot-dot, not just imply trailing off into a grammatical abysm. So read it again. wait, i'll just write it again. 'tis the season, dot-dot-dot. Well, should I? This is getting confusing. Christmas time is here, you little dickens, and I wanted to get into the spirit of things. So anyone familiar with blogging knows you can get free stat (jargon from the biz meaning "stastistics") counters. Wait a minute. I just realized that not only do I have a hard time pronouncing stasastics, I can't spell the shit out of it either (pronounced i-thurr, and is indeed not a registered trademark of the Apple corporation, nor does the term thurr hold any affiliation with superstar rapper Chingy). Anyway, with this service, you can find out all sorts of demographic shit and see where people are reading from, how many times they've visited, and other bullshit that men of less virtue might use unscrupulously to make ill-gotten gains in the world of blogging for losers. But the kicker is that you can find the keywords that were entered to direct the unwitting and anonymous viewers to my dumb fucking Modern Yawn. Suckers!
I have to say that I'm a little disappointed in you guys. Here's a short list of keywords and how many times they were entered and ended up in this dump.
THIS IS COMPLETELY REAL- I DID NOT TAMPER WITH IT. comments follow.

Search Term
4 4.44% modern yawn I'd like to thank the academy and the 4 people who actively searched the blog out by name last month. I'd also like to thank the guy 2 months ago who tried "Modern Yawp", after a rousing viewing of Dead Poets' Society, presumably.

3 3.33% ray species thailand - Yeah, right.
2 2.22% the modern yawn - Thanks again, yous two.
2 2.22% kmart silver paint huffing - Well, Kresge seemed so phonebook.
2 2.22% yawn face -This has to be an iTunes band.

2 2.22% euphesis
2 2.22% dick clark rocking new year - What an asshole.
2 2.22% hillbilly christmas - Controversy ensues.
2 2.22% gerald naftaly -My homie, my mayor.
2 2.22% gay porn -It was bound to happen.
1 1.11% misfits panties - your girlfriend should thank me.
1 1.11% christ the redeemer picture david caruso -I knew that image would someday become iconic.
1 1.11% chocolate starfish and the hot dog flavored water blogspot -Hey Fred Durst, shouldn't you be shooting a Behind the Music instead of checking my awesome shit out?
1 1.11% no shit shylock Shylock?
1 1.11% the shocking blue hot sand blog
1 1.11% whats so special about the 7 ancient wonders of the world -My point exactly!
1 1.11% hillbilly - Takes one to know one.
1 1.11% no shit, shylock -Again with the shylock.
1 1.11% soft pajama seen on rachael ray -What the fuck is wrong with you, perv?
1 1.11% oscar the grouch decal -What, is the internet out of Calvin and Hobbes peeing on a Chevy logo decals?
1 1.11% man yawning faces - Jackass molesting computer.
1 1.11% modern 7 wonders of the world in sequence - Mostly because I'm 6% Sprite, 20% fruit punch, 11% O.C.D.
1 1.11% wnic alan almond - If the yacht is rocking, text me and bring the Champale.
1 1.11% carrottop
1 1.11% marisa tomei. grimaces
1 1.11% barry trotz -You are an extremely boring individual
1 1.11% face/offmegaupload.com| -More like Face/Awesome
1 1.11% garages in america -This is a fascinating coffee table book

1 1.11% samhain final descent blog mp3 -Dood, just fucking pay Danzig for it. Don't try that blog mp3 bullshit.
1 1.11% garage days revisited
1 1.11% panic * at the taco bell -We'll let you slide on this lyrical boner
1 1.11% dylan adairs new balance trainer
1 1.11% recap modotti - Must have been bored between Fugazi releases.
1 1.11% famous oscars
1 1.11% huffing silver paint -The internet will provide you with detailed instructions.
1 1.11% hey marianne - Mmmm, coconut pie.
1 1.11% noise hear yawn - Malvert sometimes pee red.
1 1.11% yawn blood sound - I got dibs on this band name!
1 1.11% crate ca125dg telluride review - Probably returned all sorts of kick-ass results.
1 1.11% all stingray species
1 1.11% bobby hull picture with pitchfork -Whatever, hockey perv.
1 1.11% does 7-eleven diapers - There is no way i'm just going to a convenience store and hope that they are convenient without consulting the internet first.
1 1.11% rachael ray shitty-tipper - AND HOW!
1 1.11% amplifier tuning - wild thing troggs -I'm a big fan of amplifier tuning. that's where most young guitarists go wrong.
1 1.11% little red donkey download - Let's give him the benefit of the doubt.

1 1.11% ringo and sun country and alcoholic -And awesome search terms, Sir Paul. But don't you still have his phone number?
1 1.11% how tall is mike ricci really? -Why the fuck should.....? I'll assume you were actually interested in how short Christina Ricci is.
1 1.11% the devil wears prada excerpts cerulean blue- Cerulean blue? Go back to the register, Utrecht needs you.
1 1.11% brand of goggles jabar wore -Finally, something worthwhile to look up.
1 1.11% ugliest man mullet - See Mike Ricci.
1 1.11% modern yawn blog - Gooooooaaaaaaaalllllll!!!

1 1.11% wooderson melba toast - and yes, I will be drivin' into Houston to pick up the Aerosmith tickets.

1 1.11% pulled over doing 185 in maserati -Ted, just admit it. I know it's you, motor city madman. And yes, I was aware of my Jane's Addiction reference. You know, they are out of vogue just enough at this point that you might want to "re-discover" their entire catalog before you hear it at Urban Outfitters ironically.
1 1.11% music makes me want to lose control - Let me guess, you're white!
1 1.11% lady of the manor wallpaper -My Anthropologie homie!
1 1.11% kathy griffin melanie griffin -Keeep goin'! You'll get to Merv eventually.
1 1.11% ringo wine cooler I have no problem with these search terms whatsoever.
1 1.11% microwaveable container and patents and progresso - Made out of lead.
1 1.11% kathy griffin comedien -Someone needs to disallow you from Google. YOU'RE GROUNDED! 1 1.11% old rock : can't get her out of my head
1 1.11% fat c.... fucking -Seriously? You are wrong on two levels, Uncle Keith.
Say what you will about the modern yawn, its readership is a bunch of fucking losers. I quit.
Merry Christmas!